About a month after my surgery I felt like I was ready to jump back on my therapy train. I was actually excited to go and express to her all of my small wins over the last couple months since we had met. My therapist is amazing. I got really blessed to find the right fit on the first try. Finding the right therapist can be a bit like dating, trying to navigate through all of the options. If you have not yet find your therapy soulmate, I encourage you to keep looking. If you have, congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of paid self care! Please also know that your therapist match may come in any age, gender, or race. For some, finding someone who looks like you may be more comforting. You may feel that they understand you more naturally. There are cultural foundations that already exists. That was the case for me. But for many others, they have found their match in those who were the complete opposite of them. So have an open mind!
I do want to take a quick moment to address my women of color who may be reading this still thinking that therapy has no place in your life because “you don’t need to tell a stranger your business. Pray about it.” I was you. I grew up thinking therapy was for rich, white women who had nothing to actually complain about. I believed that talking to a complete stranger was the most ridiculous thing you could do. Funny how now, it seems even more ridiculous not to talk to someone! #growth
My father shunned therapy when I was younger, called my mom crazy for bringing it up. Told my brother to his face that he never had to go to therapy if he didn’t want to. It was not what we do. As I got older I thought.. I have friends, I can write about it, I can drink or smoke it away, and yes I do have the Lord (Amen + Hallelujah). And while all those things may be true, therapy is one of the biggest self investments you can make in your life. Help comes in all forms. We have to stop turning people away from therapy because we for some reason believe that therapy is the devil taking us from the Lordt. The lord blesses us with physical doctors, so why should mental health professionals be treated like red headed step children? Saints, stop this! You are discouraging healing and encouraging folks to struggle in silence and walk around with hurt and pain that could be addressed. Ok, that’s enough for now. Peace and blessings.
If I’m being honest, I knew my ass needed to be in therapy years ago. Like more than a decade. So needless to say when I went, I had way more to talk about than just this baby business. Literally, peeling the onion every session. I had to find the root of my thoughts, my anxiety, my way of dealing with life’s messes. I won’t sit here and say that it was easy. You have to be open, honest and ready to admit things you may have never shared in your life. You can thank me later for the peace you will find after jumping into therapy. Namaste!
Back to the topic at hand. I am sitting in her office discussing the last couple months and she asks me “where are you at with all of this?” I respond saying that I am actually in a pretty good place. I am happy to have the surgery done, recovering going well, and to be in a peaceful mental space about where I currently was in my fertility journey. I am excited about having the next six months to enjoy this journey to becoming Mrs. Jackson. She then asks, “are you being mindful of your days?” This threw me for a slight loop. And by loop, I mean she hit me with a bag of rocks in the gut. This is how therapy works, it makes you stop and think. At least in my experience.
Mindful how I ask? She says, are you being present, practicing mindfulness, and showing appreciation for each moment? I think about this in my every day life and I say yes, I think I have been better with this practice overall. Then I think about how this relates to my fertility journey and I pause. Something to work on for our next session.
As I get back to my office I sit down and think about our conversation. The word present continues to come to mind. Being present is to show up and truly be there. So I then was able to answer her question in peace. Yes, I am ok today being present and not being pregnant. Life is good.
Xoxo, your friend (in) fertility
Fertility Ain't Fair 